beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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