They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
