She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
