Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
