So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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