Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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