i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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