Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize