then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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