i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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