it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
