eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
