your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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