you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
