Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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