He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
