And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
