yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
