I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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