Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
