dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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