How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
