I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
