He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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