i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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