3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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