That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
