soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
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I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
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Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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