Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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