Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You ever have a fart follow you around?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
