when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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