Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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