The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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