I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
