I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
