After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
