Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
