I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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