dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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