Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
