hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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