Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I lost the right to judge tonight
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
