i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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