i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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