i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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