thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
