Pants 0. Shit 1.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
