lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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