You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
