Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
