and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
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You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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