I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
