I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
only you would photoshop your dick
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
