i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
