I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
