I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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